five things friday: grief, kindness, beauty

Published: Fri, 05/27/22

May 27, 2022

Hello there,

I'm not going to pretend all is well and that everything, that I, am ok. I'm not. Given were we are this is appropriate and normal. So often, too often, to live in the United States is to have grief in our throats and fear in our bellies. For those I am closest to and talk most to this is true. Elders are killed while shopping for food, worshipers killed in church, children and teachers killed in school... I can't keep track of all the loss. As I am writing I see how much I am conditioned to accept this is, not normal, but normal here. We know mass shootings will continue to take place.

And the world goes on, as it must. Work to do, people to care for, life to live. This is not wrong, it is what it is to be alive. But how do we stay empathically present and responsive, not harden our hearts in order to live with such tragedy? To be able to respond to tragedy in a way that creates change for the better?

Here are five things on this Friday, that can help keep our empathy strong and our hearts open. I mention the recent events in the US, but really these are good for any time of great pain, or just any time. This is not the boldest list, I'm not ready for that one yet. I'm not promising this is the perfect list, it is not a complete list, but I think it is a good one for finding one's bearings in the midst of tragedy and overwhelm. What would your list be?

1.
Find some nature to connect to. Even if it is just a deep breath of fresh air or placing a stone on your desk. Let water from the facet run over your hands. It puts us in connection to the more than human world. Just a small thing shifts my perspective to one of being part of the river of the world rather than isolated from it. It is a point of connection when I am shut off.

I offer you this bit of nature:

I know, another rose picture! I can't help it. They are speaking loudly to me right now. That swirl in the middle gets me. It reminds me that life moves both towards center and away from it. It reminds me that life is a spiral, always moving yet traveling in pattern and purpose. It reminds me the furthest point from center is still connected to it.

2.
Let yourself feel as you have the space and capacity. No pushing for the "right" ones, just permission and space for the ones you have.

Our emotions are wise and they will rise and flow as needed. If the intensity, or lack of emotion is causing disruption in your life or worries you, reach out to trusted people for support. Friends, clergy, and mental health professionals want to help. If you are stuck, reach out to me, I have lots of resources.

Because I could, Wednesday I gave myself the grace of time to feel. I know not everyone can. I couldn't on Tuesday, the day of the Uvalde shooting. I was numb, I couldn't let it in, it was too, too much, and there was work that needed doing. So, I wrapped my numbness in a blanket of soft awareness knowing that when I had more capacity it would move aside for the emotions that came next. For me it was grief. Your flow of emotions will be different, unique to you. Honor them as they arise as you can.

I spent the day grieving. In bed with a fan blowing over me. It was a very hot day, too hot to do much else really. I gave myself time to begin to metabolize what is really too much to bear. As I write this on Thursday I don't so much feel better, that is not the point, but I feel more with myself, more grounded, better resourced, able to respond rather than be flattened.

3.
Do something kind. Maybe you are the friend whose shoulder someone can cry on. Maybe you pick up a can of baby formula for the young mom next door who is running low. Maybe you bake some cookies and share them with the elderly couple down the way. Maybe it is a text to someone you've been thinking of. These build connections and belonging when it is easy to feel alone and separate.

Create beauty, take in beauty. I want to be present to the grief and beauty of this world. I want to make beauty in the ways I can. I especially love the beauty in the mundane, and I am inspired by those who elevate the mundane to art. I've been loving how Turkuaz Kitchen does this. I want to live in a world as beautiful and humble as her food. Her work on Instagram and YouTube is calming, gorgeous, inspiring. Even if I never make any of her recipes I am deeply nourished by her artistry and care.

5.
A blessing for your week:

(from the Shadowscape Tarot)

May your choices always be led by heart.

Until next time,

Sandi

Sandi Davis