Luscious Soulful Beauty found via sleepless nights.

Hello Lovely,

Yesterday morning I was so tired I was close to tears. All I wanted was to fall back into bed, pull the covers up tight and snuggle into my own private warm nest. While I am blessed to have flexibility over my time and can often choose to rearrange my day for extra self care when I need it, this day was lock and loaded and needed to roll out as planned. As I sipped my morning tea and told my husband of the day ahead I could feel the weariness rise up as hot tears and a catch in my throat.

I have forced myself though enough exhaustion to know how this day could go. I could walk a razor's edge between impatient grumpiness and inappropriate crying in public. I could put on my cheery, professional, efficient mask and have a knot my stomach all day. I could caffeine and sugar myself up hoping a headachy buzz would be a good enough substitute for vibrant presence. Basically, I could spend the day feeling sorry for myself and braced against any true human connection.

Or I could give myself over to my fatigue. I could surrender to it, refusing to fight or overcome it. I welcomed my weariness.

And then it taught me about Grace.

I let myself Just, Be, Tired. The tears were actually fear of replaying the months and months and years of sleeplessness and accompanying depression I suffered during perimenopause. And so I cried for the past me who thought she had to push through so much inner turmoil alone. And then I cried for the wiser present me who knows so much more about asking for help and so, so much more about how this body communicates. There is worse in life than being seen in public with puffy eyes born of cleansing tears.

Some days require a slower, softer approach than others. More time than usual to sink in and feel. It is how we see what we need. It is a way to wrap up in a warm blanket with out having to carry around our favorite flannel one.

Ducking out of post teaching chit chat. Coming home before running errands so I could recharge even though it "wasted time". Letting warm water run over my hands a few moments longer so it could wash away my worry and ground me. Hot mint tea and just enough really good chocolate. Not thinking I should have done anything more or different with my day.

Each was moment of surrender to my fatigue, each a tapping into personal flow, each a whisper of love born of acceptance. Each a tiny leap of faith that the More of Life has space and compassion for a very tired women and will create enough moments of rest for her.

It is up to me to take them.

It is not always so easy to see the moments of grace. They are quiet and can slip under the radar of a busy, chaotic world screaming at us to hurry up, keep up, do more, faster.

It takes attention, permission, honed sensitivity, embracing soft, trusting pleasure over force, to find the spaces of rest. Rather than brushing the little moments aside as inconsequential, seek them, make them, take them in and receive their homeopathic doses of soul care.

This is our practice.

I could be embarrassed by how simple this life lesson is and how often I forget. Except we all forget and then remember again. It is why it is called a practice. There is no failure in the forgetting or not seeing the moments of grace always reaching out to us because the remembering and seeing newly holds so much power! It strengthens us so we forget less, so we see more deeply next time. We forge stronger love and tenderness towards ourselves each time we remember to look for the grace that helps us with what is.

Where is grace waiting for you right now? Close your eyes, breathe in fully and allow it to find you.

This is the type of deep work I do with my Practical Alchemy coaching clients. We sort out life, create space for more flow and less force. We slow things down so you can tap into grace and find the warm blanket that is your wise and soulful self. I have spaces open to begin the journey in December. Is one yours?

Loving you,

Sandi

PS.

I'll be posting my last piece in my Being Seen at 50 blog series tomorrow, November 15. Here is a link to the whole series.

Have you seen my alter ego Margo's post over at Mythic Rhythm? Fair warning, she swears- a lot.