Hello Beautiful,
If you have joined my newsletter list with in the past year, this
will be the first time you are hearing from me. Um, yeah. Obviously I can be weak in the constancy department.
If you have been with me for a while, Hello! Remember me? Long time, no communication!
Thank you, thank you for being here. For opening this email. For hopefully sticking around. And if you don’t want to, that’s fine
too.
I could say so much, but really, life had plans that I didn’t like or agree with but happened anyway, and well, here I am a year later. Shaking the dirt off and seeing what is here now.
I could get philosophical, pull out some deep and poignant learning, and maybe I will. But not
today.
Today I want to say it is okay if you find yourself struggling. If you are not, YAY! Shine your glorious, radiant, joy and ease like a beacon!! Ride it with pure abandon and pride! But if you are struggling it is okay. It doesn’t matter how much of over waht. Yes, life is beautiful, but life is also raw and jagged. It can rise up and take you under
like a sleeper wave on the brightest, clearest day.
It is okay for things to not work out as planned. Failure is not a moral judgment. Falling behind, starting over, not knowing what to do next are not moral failures. Also, failure is not moral failure.
Sometimes you need to cry. A lot. More that you thought you could and certainly more than feels
“proper.” Screw proper. Not everyone will understand this and it will hurt, but you have a divine right to every single tear that flows from your precious eyes. Those tears are holy water and they cleanse the deepest sorrows.
Sometimes you can’t pull it together. You are still loved. Even if you don’t feel it, think you don’t deserve it, maybe don't even want it. You are. Infinitely.
Healing and adjusting have their own timeline. It is not linear and rarely happens as quickly as you want. It is okay to hate this. I mean really fucking hate this! Swear all you want about it. It doesn’t mean anything about how spiritual you are. Or how evolved. Your emotions couldn't care less about how much personal growth you’ve done, how many mediation retreats you gone on, or how many self help books are by your bed- much less on your bookshelves.
They just need to communicate with you. It is okay to not know what they are saying. Listen, you will. If you still don’t, ask for help.
Sometimes you need help. We are made to need each other. You are not weak. It is okay for this to be hard and to feel uncomfortable. Ask anyway. Really. Ask for help.
After a year of not writing, why is this what I am choosing to say?
Because this world is so raw and jagged.
Because I see so many of my dear ones grappling with challenges and the news of the day and a world that projects messages of worthiness based on perfection and unsustainable achievement.
Because over this past year very loving and very wise people have said these things to me as I have been struggling to find my way. And it helped. To be seen, not looked at as flawed. To be validated, not judged. To be welcomed in the whole messiness of myself, not just my shiny faced self.
Your struggling, my struggling, is not our shame to hide away. It is our sacred self being forged through the fires of living.
My prayer is that we can honor it. Fully, richly, devotionally allow
space for this part of our becoming.
It feels so good to writing to you again!
Until next time, I wish you much love,
Sandi
