Y'all, it is time for some radical softness, some intense gentleness, some ruthless life editing. I am calling it my "hothouse flower era". 

I wrote about it to my members on Patreon and thought I would share the gist of it here too. I want to let you know what is going on and why things may be less consistent for a while. Although this is about me, I am hearing common threads with different details from so many. 

Let's talk about the heart of gritty self-care, in "five things" format. But first, some beauty because it is healing, and sometimes the sky looks like a painting.

Now onto the things.
Shall we? 

1.
I wrote some about having Shingles in my last message to you and its lingering effects are still with me. Since having shingles in June I have been in almost constant pain. Most of the time enough that it has been hard or impossible to work. More times than I care to admit it has been beyond the threshold of what I thought I could stand. Meaning that more than a few times the only thing keeping me from the emergency room was that thought of having to get in the car and get myself there.

It has not been pretty and it isn't getting better in the way these things typically do. Western medicine does not have much to offer for lingering nerve pain like this that I am willing to take at this point in time. Acupuncture has been helpful, not only for the pain but in general nervous system calming. I'm finding my way and along that way some deep questions are being asked and choices being made.

2.
I started to go down a well worn shame spiral about how I shouldn't let personal circumstances interfere with consistency and reliability (wow, does capitalism's productivity demands root in deep!) but instead I turned to a deeper truth, the need to treat myself like a delicate, hothouse flower. 

Sometimes when a plant struggles she gets put in the greenhouse where the environment is free of as many stressors as possible so she can regain her strength, and maybe find a way to flourish in an even better way.

I have been saying no to anything I can that will add more stress and drain energy, even when it is something I would love to do in more normal times. And, also saying yes to anything I can that nourishes and soothes my over reactive nerves. 

3.

“Pain is not the problem. Pain is the brain’s solution to an overloaded system.” – Matt Bush

This quote was sent from a friend. It is from a newsletter of a colleague of ours. I am taking seriously the need to address my overloaded system. Not in a fix-it so I can get-back-to-it way, but in a way that honors my sensitive and delicate nature. 

I have spent my life bristling at the suggestion that I was somehow too fragile and emotional to handle life. While I know this is not true, I also know that it is at the same time. It depends on the what "life" it is I am trying to handle.

4.
So here is my question to myself, and one for you too if any of this resonates in feeling if not in situation: What is the life I am giving my life force to?
 

And this one: What is the life I am willing to slow down for?
 

And this one: What do I need in my hothouse garden to deeply nourish my tired, overloaded, in-pain body?
 

4.1
All this to say, I am entering the hothouse/greenhouse in as unencumbered way as I can. I am easing away from as much outer doing as possible for awhile. Not that writing to you is encumbering, but so I can create a bit of time and space where things are as simple and soft as possible. Viruses are rude bullies and sometimes best tamed with softness.

I will be missing some Friday messages to you for a bit, but know I am healing and honoring my body and my life as it is and as I hope it to be. The one thing I am keeping, because I agreed to it many months ago and the timing is pretty darn perfect, is teaching Empathy and Self-Care again through Empathy Academy.

For four weeks starting September 15 we will explore all things emotions, empathy, and self-care. The intention is to learn ways to support ourselves in being able to tend our world with presence and generosity, and care for ourselves with love and kindness. Not through a one size fits all program, but with skills of deep emotional inquiry, healthy and sustainable empathy, and personally crafted practices of nourishing support. Any questions, just ask.